Moving or Standing in Place

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well".  ~ Mark Twain

My move to North Carolina is three weeks away and I seem to be paralyzed.

I cleaned out a bookcase and then didn’t want to box the books up because I don’t know where to put the box. So I put some books in a box for donation and put the rest back on the shelves. I have another box of my daughter’s things but the box isn’t full so I don’t know whether to tape it up or not. So I put the box in a corner and hope I don’t trip on it.

I did spend three hours scanning old photos into my computer and adding them to my ancestry tree but that really is just an escape. It’s an accomplishment, just not the kind that needs to be done.

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited about moving.  I guess I’m just not ready to pack.

I could pack the entertainment unit in my living room in less than an hour but then I will be staring at boxes for the next three weeks. I could take all the photos from Ireland off the walls but I would miss their beauty.

I could pack up the linen closet and decide which towels/sheets/blankets to keep or give away but what if I end up needing those items as part of my packing to cushion vases or lamp shades.

I think about going to Home Depot and getting wardrobe boxes but it’s raining again and I don’t want the boxes to get wet.

I have furniture being given away to family but they are too busy to pick the items up or I’m still using them. People have offered to help me pack or clean but are caught up in their own lives.

I’m restless and ready to start over but these weeks stand in the way. I’m pulled between the old and the new. Push, pull, give, take, keep or throw away.

Maybe I’ll just make a cup of tea and finish reading Outlander…

A Memory Lasts Forever...

“I give you this to take with you:

Nothing remains as it was. If you know this, you can

begin again, with pure joy in the uprooting.” 

― Judith Minty, Letters to My Daughters

My daughter Sara came home from college last Thursday to pack up all of her personal belongings.  She went back to school yesterday and I found myself exhausted: physically and emotionally!

We spent Friday packing up her room.  On Saturday, we tackled the basement and Sunday morning was final clean up.  Total results:

     Three car loads to the local Goodwill

     Three large green garbage bags in the dumpster

     Fourteen boxes, one bookcase, one nightstand and 6 large framed photos transported to her dad’s house for storage

     5 boxes and an air conditioner set aside for pick-up Easter weekend

     Plastic tub full of clothes, floor fan and three bags of stuff jammed into her car to use this spring

Her bedroom is now empty of all but her furniture set which I will try and sell. I look around and see almost fourteen years of memories passing thru my mind. 

She was 6 when we moved in here, just a little girl, trying to cope with her parents’ divorce. I hear the little girl giggles and remember her tip-toeing into my room when she had a nightmare. I see the 10 year old insisting she didn’t need to go to after school care anymore; arguing with me that she was a big girl and could stay home by herself. 

I remember the young lady in middle school who loved spinning flags and rifles in Winter Guard and traveling around the state to compete. She was passionate about helping others and being “fair” and walked away from friendships rather than be part of a “mean girls” crowd.

High school brought dances and make-up and cell phones and lap tops. Mission trips to Mexico, summer camp and boyfriends. Girl talk was with her friends instead of me. Boundaries were pushed, doors were slammed and tears were shed.  But we always came back to one another with a hug and a kiss good night, sweet dreams, I love you too.

We both grew up in this room and in this house. We are not the same people we were in August 2000.

She is a confidant young woman who shares a house with her sorority sisters, travels across country for conventions and worries about what she will do after she graduates next year.

I have learned to solo travel and have met distant cousins in Alabama, Tennessee, Scotland and Ireland. I am moving by myself from a small town in CT to Charlotte, NC and beginning a new chapter in my life.

We don’t need each other the way we used to. We have formed a new relationship and encourage each other to grow and experience new things in our lives. We will always be mother and daughter, just not in the same house.

But still, the memories linger…

Hitting the Pause Button

When you make the decision to move 700 miles away from where you’ve lived for most of your life, you’ve got a few more things to do than pack up your belongings.  One of those things is to make those final doctor’s appointments.

When I lost my job last August, I also lost my medical insurance.  I paid that $500 COBRA payment for a few months but I just couldn’t afford to continue. So I took my chance and dropped my coverage.  I visited my endocrinologist in October and explained my situation. He understood and gave me a 90 day prescription.   I ordered my cholesterol medicine online and received 90 days for that as well. And in November and December, I prayed I wouldn’t get sick

.

I signed up for the CT Health Care Exchange and because I was unemployed I received “silver” coverage through Anthem BC/BS for only $3.69 a month (after supplement). It took a while for the paperwork to get processed but I was able to start making doctor appointments again in February. 

I saw my endocrinologist and my thyroid numbers are finally within a normal range.  New scrip, 90 day refills and I’m good until I can find a new lab in Charlotte in about six months.

The bi-annual dental cleaning was accomplished with all positive news and free samples to save a little money.

So, now I only have two appointments left and I’ll have a clean bill of health to start my new life in Charlotte. But wait, these are the biggies – those appointments every woman dreads. Yes, I’m talking about the annual celebration of our lady parts. Let the squeezing and poking begin!

I’m off to my annual mammogram first thing Friday morning as I might as well get it out of the way.  There is a new technician today and she is very friendly and compassionate. For the first time in years I don’t walk out in pain! In ten days I will go for my annual gynecological exam and then I will be all set.

But wait – Tuesday morning brings the dreaded phone call. The radiologist has seen something on your scan and you need to come in for an advanced mammogram and an ultrasound.  I schedule the tests for Thursday morning and for 48 hours my life is on pause.  This is not what I want to hear and my brain goes off in a million different directions.  

     I went thru this last year and they found nothing. 

     How do I know it’s not the same spot as last time?

     I can’t afford this.

     I don’t have time for this – I’m moving.

     Dear God, help me out there. I’m finally making some positive changes in my life, I don’t need this.

     Stay positive, it’s not cancer.  But what if it is?

     I’m not thinking about this. Where’s the ice cream?

So Thursday finally comes and it’s time for the tests.  The techs are very nice as they go thru the process of poking, pressing, squeezing and manipulating my right breast as if it was a ball of dough.  I’m trying to just breathe thru the procedures and not let my mind think about anything. Focus on what they are doing and don’t worry about the “what ifs”.

“Thank you very much ma’am. Everything is fine, just a blocked duct, nothing to worry about.  You can get dressed and the exit door is to your right. Have a nice day.”

I make it to my car and slowly exhale.  For two days my life has been on hold. I am grateful and feel blessed. And I think about the other women for whom the news may not have been so good. And I say a small prayer for them and their families and their futures.

And I go about my day…

One of Those Weeks

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. - Arnold Bennett

Highs and lows. Ups and downs.  We all have those kinds of weeks.  So bear with me if this post seems a little scattered – my brain is running in many different directions.  I’m sure you have been here before and know what I mean.

From the euphoria of sharing my good news with friends and family, to the slight depression about having to actually wait six weeks to move to Charlotte, NC, I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster. 

I’ve lived in my small town of 19,000 people for over 25 years and over 13 of them have been in the same house.  It’s a bit of a challenge to move to someplace new. Besides finding the right moving company, there are so many more things to think about.  Lists upon lists upon lists are the only thing keeping me sane!

Here’s a sampling of what’s on my mind right now:

     Insurance – Auto and Tenant – Do I switch carriers? Is North Carolina different than Connecticut?

     Cable, Internet and Phone – Who are suppliers in NC? Can I keep my AT&T Uverse? Do I switch to Time Warner?     

     Bank – Do I go with Bank of America or Wells Fargo? Maybe a credit union?

     I’ll need to find a new doctor and dentist and vet for my cats

     Meet with my landlord to discuss moving out and getting my deposit back

And it goes on….

Right now, I’m waiting for my daughter to come home for her spring break from college. She needs to go through the house she has lived in for over 13 years and pack everything she owns in boxes. I know this won’t be easy for either one of us but it must be done. I can’t bring her belongings with me to NC. Sorting through her childhood and deciding what to keep, give away or throw away will be emotional. Knowing that her “home” is no longer in CT but instead someplace she has never been will be difficult.

Once her bedroom is empty of her personal belongings, I hope to sell her bedroom furniture and then I will have a place to store boxes as I get them packed.  So, the whole process of packing and moving has to slow down a bit even though I am anxious to just get on with it!

Today’s project was taking pictures out of frames. I’ve had a box of old framed photos sitting in my basement for at least ten years.  I took all of the photos out of the frames and put them in an acid free photo box. I hope to sell all of the frames.  It’s one less heavy box to move and maybe I can make a little money in the process.

It’s kind of weird to be going through this whole moving process.  I’m excited to be making this change but I know how major it is. I’m packing up, selling, giving away or throwing away almost 25 years of my life.

No one said change was going to be easy…

It's Really Happening!

“Once you'd resolved to go, there was nothing to it at all.” ― Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle

I’ve been called an adventurer. I’ve been called brave.  Someone even said I had balls!  But whatever you want to call it, I just know I feel free!

I left CT on a Wednesday and traveled south to Harrisonburg, VA where I spent the night.  Up early the next morning and on to Charlotte, NC.  I-81 thru Virginia parallels the Appalachian Mountains and it was a beautiful ride.  Too bad there weren’t places to pull over to take pictures!

On Friday, I had lunch with the minister from the church I planned on attending on Sunday. We got to know each other and she told me more about the church and the area.

Over the course of Friday and Saturday, I visited about eight apartment complexes. Five of them within 10 miles of the church and the other three in the town just north of Charlotte. Saturday night I used my laptop to develop an excel spreadsheet to compare all of the apartments.  It was easier to have all the information in one place.  I narrowed it down to two complexes and visited both of them again after church on Sunday.

On Saturday, I drove down to the Myers Park section of Charlotte and met my cousin Jim and his wife Kitty for lunch.  This was the first time I had met Jim (he is technically my 2^nd cousin 2 x removed). He is the brother of Carolyn, the cousin I met in Alabama in 2011 and then spent time with in Tennessee in 2013.  Since Jim is not into the family genealogy the way Carolyn and I are, I had to explain how we were related.  Jim is about 84 years old so it was nice to hear about his life’s travels and how he ended up in Charlotte.  His son James also lives in Charlotte so I look forward to meeting him when I return in April.

My visit to church on Sunday was very successful.  I spent about four hours there and had the opportunity to meet many people.  There was a pre-service Sunday school for women my age that was very lively and open.  The actual church service was very similar to my Congregational Church upbringing and I felt comfortable following along.  After church, there was a potluck lunch and a presentation regarding a future mission trip to Guatemala. I was also fortunate to meet a few people who shared their experience with employment options in the Charlotte area. 

I drove back to CT on Monday and Tuesday, spending a good part of the trip thinking about my visit.  Could I picture myself living in Charlotte?  Did any of the apartments feel like they could be “home”?  Would Holy Covenant UCC be a church community where I could belong and contribute to? Could I afford to make this move?

By Thursday the decision had been made and I’m moving to Charlotte, North Carolina in mid-April.  And I couldn’t be happier!! I am so very ready to begin a new chapter in my life and I’m really excited to get started.