Hitting the Pause Button

When you make the decision to move 700 miles away from where you’ve lived for most of your life, you’ve got a few more things to do than pack up your belongings.  One of those things is to make those final doctor’s appointments.

When I lost my job last August, I also lost my medical insurance.  I paid that $500 COBRA payment for a few months but I just couldn’t afford to continue. So I took my chance and dropped my coverage.  I visited my endocrinologist in October and explained my situation. He understood and gave me a 90 day prescription.   I ordered my cholesterol medicine online and received 90 days for that as well. And in November and December, I prayed I wouldn’t get sick

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I signed up for the CT Health Care Exchange and because I was unemployed I received “silver” coverage through Anthem BC/BS for only $3.69 a month (after supplement). It took a while for the paperwork to get processed but I was able to start making doctor appointments again in February. 

I saw my endocrinologist and my thyroid numbers are finally within a normal range.  New scrip, 90 day refills and I’m good until I can find a new lab in Charlotte in about six months.

The bi-annual dental cleaning was accomplished with all positive news and free samples to save a little money.

So, now I only have two appointments left and I’ll have a clean bill of health to start my new life in Charlotte. But wait, these are the biggies – those appointments every woman dreads. Yes, I’m talking about the annual celebration of our lady parts. Let the squeezing and poking begin!

I’m off to my annual mammogram first thing Friday morning as I might as well get it out of the way.  There is a new technician today and she is very friendly and compassionate. For the first time in years I don’t walk out in pain! In ten days I will go for my annual gynecological exam and then I will be all set.

But wait – Tuesday morning brings the dreaded phone call. The radiologist has seen something on your scan and you need to come in for an advanced mammogram and an ultrasound.  I schedule the tests for Thursday morning and for 48 hours my life is on pause.  This is not what I want to hear and my brain goes off in a million different directions.  

     I went thru this last year and they found nothing. 

     How do I know it’s not the same spot as last time?

     I can’t afford this.

     I don’t have time for this – I’m moving.

     Dear God, help me out there. I’m finally making some positive changes in my life, I don’t need this.

     Stay positive, it’s not cancer.  But what if it is?

     I’m not thinking about this. Where’s the ice cream?

So Thursday finally comes and it’s time for the tests.  The techs are very nice as they go thru the process of poking, pressing, squeezing and manipulating my right breast as if it was a ball of dough.  I’m trying to just breathe thru the procedures and not let my mind think about anything. Focus on what they are doing and don’t worry about the “what ifs”.

“Thank you very much ma’am. Everything is fine, just a blocked duct, nothing to worry about.  You can get dressed and the exit door is to your right. Have a nice day.”

I make it to my car and slowly exhale.  For two days my life has been on hold. I am grateful and feel blessed. And I think about the other women for whom the news may not have been so good. And I say a small prayer for them and their families and their futures.

And I go about my day…