It's Really Happening!

“Once you'd resolved to go, there was nothing to it at all.” ― Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle

I’ve been called an adventurer. I’ve been called brave.  Someone even said I had balls!  But whatever you want to call it, I just know I feel free!

I left CT on a Wednesday and traveled south to Harrisonburg, VA where I spent the night.  Up early the next morning and on to Charlotte, NC.  I-81 thru Virginia parallels the Appalachian Mountains and it was a beautiful ride.  Too bad there weren’t places to pull over to take pictures!

On Friday, I had lunch with the minister from the church I planned on attending on Sunday. We got to know each other and she told me more about the church and the area.

Over the course of Friday and Saturday, I visited about eight apartment complexes. Five of them within 10 miles of the church and the other three in the town just north of Charlotte. Saturday night I used my laptop to develop an excel spreadsheet to compare all of the apartments.  It was easier to have all the information in one place.  I narrowed it down to two complexes and visited both of them again after church on Sunday.

On Saturday, I drove down to the Myers Park section of Charlotte and met my cousin Jim and his wife Kitty for lunch.  This was the first time I had met Jim (he is technically my 2^nd cousin 2 x removed). He is the brother of Carolyn, the cousin I met in Alabama in 2011 and then spent time with in Tennessee in 2013.  Since Jim is not into the family genealogy the way Carolyn and I are, I had to explain how we were related.  Jim is about 84 years old so it was nice to hear about his life’s travels and how he ended up in Charlotte.  His son James also lives in Charlotte so I look forward to meeting him when I return in April.

My visit to church on Sunday was very successful.  I spent about four hours there and had the opportunity to meet many people.  There was a pre-service Sunday school for women my age that was very lively and open.  The actual church service was very similar to my Congregational Church upbringing and I felt comfortable following along.  After church, there was a potluck lunch and a presentation regarding a future mission trip to Guatemala. I was also fortunate to meet a few people who shared their experience with employment options in the Charlotte area. 

I drove back to CT on Monday and Tuesday, spending a good part of the trip thinking about my visit.  Could I picture myself living in Charlotte?  Did any of the apartments feel like they could be “home”?  Would Holy Covenant UCC be a church community where I could belong and contribute to? Could I afford to make this move?

By Thursday the decision had been made and I’m moving to Charlotte, North Carolina in mid-April.  And I couldn’t be happier!! I am so very ready to begin a new chapter in my life and I’m really excited to get started.  

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

I’ve been alluding to it in my past few posts but now is the time to come clean.  Today is Sunday and on Wednesday I am driving by myself from Connecticut to Charlotte, North Carolina.  I’m hoping this trip will be the beginning of my new life. 

The research has been done and I have talked to many people and I think the Charlotte area might be a good place for me to start my next chapter.  The cost of living is lower, there appears to be many jobs available and the weather is certainly better than CT!  I have distant cousins living in Charlotte and another one thinking of moving there.  Additionally, it’s centrally located in the south east and will make for convenient long weekends to visit other states.

There is a great progressive church in Charlotte that appears to be very active in their community.  I had the opportunity to speak with the minister of this church earlier this week and have made arrangements to meet with her as well as attend their church service while I am there. I’m looking forward to meeting the members of this congregation and hope that I feel at home among them.  The way I figure it, finding a church community will really help me acclimate to the area.  Church members can recommend doctors, the best place to shop and good Italian restaurants. They may be realtors, work for employment agencies or share my interests in genealogy and photography.  It’s a win-win in my eyes.

I’ve started looking at apartments on-line and have found many choices.  Most of the apartments are in “communities” and they all seem to have many amenities to offer; pools, fitness centers, laundry facilities, hiking trails and 24/7 maintenance.  While I am not old enough for the over 55 communities, I hope to find an apartment where there are people closer to my age rather than young families with children.  As this stage in my life, I figure I deserve to be selfish. I would prefer not to live next to a playground or elementary school.  Adults only would be just fine!

So, the journey starts on Wednesday. I’m going to take my time and spread the 11 hour trip down over two days. If I see something interesting, I will stop. If I’m tired or hungry or just feel like stretching, I can stop and take a break.  The thing about traveling solo is that you are beholden only to yourself! My time is my own so I figure to be gone about a week or so.

 If I like the area, like the church and find an apartment, then I am planning on moving down at the end of March.  There is no point in me staying in CT any longer.  I might as well stop paying the high rent and make the move as soon as possible. 

I’m very hopeful about this trip and I’m looking forward to wherever the road takes me…..

Cleaning My House

There's a luggage limit to every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly.  - Rosalind Johnson

When I returned from Ireland last October, I looked around my 2 bedroom duplex with full basement and said to myself, “You have way too much stuff!”  So, I began to clean!

I’ve discovered clothes in the back of my closet that I’ve owned for over twenty years.  Yes, I know – but seriously, they were in excellent condition.  Oh, come on - how many of you still have that favorite dress in your closet that you just can’t part with because you just know that a) you will fit into it as soon as you lose a few pounds, b) it’s a classic, it will come back into style or c) you wore it for that special occasion you will never forget.  I really got serious and got rid of tons of clothes.  Let’s face it, by the time I lose those 20 pounds, the pants from 2009 will be the last thing I want to put on!!

And the books!  I swear I could open my own library. It was hard to part with many of them but it had to be done. Really, how many cookbooks does one person need?  I haven’t entertained on a large scale basis in almost ten years; I think I can get rids of those appetizer books!   Besides, they weigh a ton to move!!  Fortunately, my local library collects books for their annual book sale so I was able to donate books, old VHS tapes (Disney variety) and CD’s.  I’m sure I have another box or two for them.

My neighbor and I rented a dumpster and cleaned out our basements and the shed we share.  I left a spare tire and an old gas grill on the street with a “free” sign.  They were both gone within a day.

In the past three months, I have donated bags to Goodwill, dropped of clothes at local consignment shops, dropped off household items at another consignment shop and sold things on Ebay. You know the stuff – the prom dresses from five years ago, the Rachel Ray cookware never used, the Christmas chatskis that have been boxed since 2001, and those shoes that made your legs look taller but hurt like hell to walk in for more than five minutes.  I’ve made almost $700. It was worth it.

The interesting thing is that as I have divested myself of “stuff”, I actually feel lighter.  As I throw or give away things from my past, I am letting go of that past.  The weight of who I was is going away and the freedom of who I am now is becoming more apparent.  I’m starting this new phase in my life and I’m only taking the “things” that really matter to me “now”!  

The way I see it – I’m moving to a new town, in a new state and I’m leaving ALL my baggage behind! It truly is very liberating!

To Stay or Not to Stay

“A Sunrise is God's way of saying, "Let's start again.”  ― Todd Stocker

Looking for a new job is never easy, especially in our current economy.  There are so many people out of work that the employers are free to be very selective.  If there are six “must haves” on their hiring requirement list, they can hold out for the person with those six qualifications.  I’ve been classified as “over-qualified”, “under-qualified”, and “not what we are looking for at this time”. I’ve applied for jobs at 2/3 of my old salary and heard nothing. I’ve registered with all of the local agencies and logged onto all of the recommended job sites.  It’s been six months and my unemployment insurance runs out in two weeks.  This is not my pity party, these are the facts.  And the saddest thing is I am not alone. 

There are thousands of other people in their 50’s who are in the exact same position as me. People who have worked all their lives, paid their taxes, contributed to their community and raised their children to believe that if you work hard, you will succeed (or at least get by…). We are middle class people who just want to get back to work.

I was lucky.  My previous employer provided me with a decent severance package and I was able to supplement my unemployment by dipping into my savings.  I watched my expenses and still have a few thousand left in my account.  But the time has come to make some changes.  I live in a 2 bedroom duplex and with my daughter in college; I don’t need all this space.  The rent is more than I can realistically afford and so I have to face the fact that after living here for over 13 years, it is time to move. I need to find a new place to live before my savings runs out and I am evicted. 

So, what do you do when you have no job, your unemployment is about to run out and you need to move?  Do you settle for living in east bumfuck and take a job you hate just to have a job? Or do you think about what you really want out of life and go for it?  I am still in a position to make my own choices and I have decided it is time to move on. And you know what? I am excited about the possibilities.  I am going to start over and it feels great!!

Now What?

Sometimes life sends change our way whether we want it or not.

I was laid off from my accounting job in August 2013.  I wasn’t really surprised as the writing had been on the wall for about six months.  And when I was really honest with myself, it was the best thing to happen to me.

I had been employed for the same company for seven years. I should have left after year five but you know how it is when things get comfortable.  I had a daughter just starting college, I needed the insurance, it was close to home, and I was afraid to start over.  But the thing is – I was bored to death!  There were no challenges anymore, I did the same thing every day, there was no chance for advancement and with everything happening in the US Government and financial industry, I just felt lucky to have a job.

So when I was let go, I wasn’t really disappointed.  As a matter of fact, I really felt like God kicked me thru the door I was afraid to walk thru.  That door had been open for two years and I just didn’t have the courage to take that first step.  Now I had no choice.  It was time for a new beginning.

A wise man travels to discover himself ~ James Russell Lowell

Don’t worry about being worried. You’re heading out on an adventure and you can always change your mind along the way and try something else. -Tracy Kidder

My daughter, Sara started college on the day I turned fifty.  Instead of moping around and feeling sorry for myself, I started traveling solo.

I went to Alabama in October of 2011 and met some very distant cousins.  Carolyn lives in Alabama, Mac lives in Tennessee and Randy lives in California. We are all descendant from the same man – Samuel Abner Lambert, who was born about 1804.  It was fabulous to meet and spend time with these “new” relatives, hear their stories and learn more about my family and their lives in the south.

In the fall of 2012, I spent ten days in Scotland and Ireland.  This time I was meeting “new” cousins from my Wilson family tree.  Peter Wilson immigrated to the US from Inishowen, Co Donegal, Ireland with his parents in 1777.  The family I met was descendant from Peter’s brother George, who stayed behind.  This was my first trip overseas and I had a wonderful time.

April 2013 saw me traveling to Franklin, Tennessee to continue researching the Lambert family tree.  Cousin Carolyn from Alabama met me and we had a great time catching up.  We went thru files in the local library, took a civil war tour and visited the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville.  She headed home and I spent two more days on my own.  I took another civil war tour and then headed back to Nashville.  I spent most of the day at the Country Music Hall of Fame and had a wonderful early dinner at a local bar. A little shopping and it was time to head home.

In August 2013, I was laid off after seven years with the same company (we will save that story for another post).  Anyway, I now had some time on my hands and a very dear friend offered to pay for my airplane ticket to return to Ireland.  And in October 2013 – off I went!

A week in Ireland, catching up with family, taking photographs and discovering new locations was exactly what I needed.  I spent time with new friends and time alone.  I wrote in my journal and I wandered around Dublin.  I came home refreshed and with a new sense of beginning.  I felt the need to get rid of the “stuff” in my life – literally and figuratively.  The change had begun!

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

Every story has a beginning and mine is no exception.  Your story may be very similar.  And even if it’s not, you somehow ended up on this page and so I am thinking that no matter how you got here – you are on a journey of some sort as well.  So let me share my past with you and we can share our future together!

A little background for you – I’m 52 and I’ve been a single mother since 1999.  My daughter Sara is a junior in college in New Hampshire and I live in a small town in Connecticut.  I’ve worked in the accounting field for most of my working years, even though I have a degree as a paralegal.  Accounting has never been a passion; it’s just something I do.

My passions are social justice, progressive politics, travel, photography and genealogy.  My protestant faith is strong and even though I stopped going to church over a year ago, I hope to find a new church that shares my progressive views.  I want to work “actively” in my community to assist those in need.  I am particularly passionate about feeding the hungry, housing the homeless and taking care of our veterans.

So, anyway – when my daughter went off to college in the fall of 2011, I didn’t go thru the “empty nest syndrome”.  Instead, I embraced my new found freedom.  Being a mom had been my number one priority for so long that I was now ready to focus on myself.  And that’s okay!!